Friday, June 24, 2011

A real, and honest bedtime story.

My brother is 10 years younger than me. When he was little, my parents were on the road a lot as consultants. So I've seen more Thomas the Tank Engine, and Barney than I can ever care to explain. I've played dinosaur related games, run aimlessly up and down hallways singing the "Wheels on the Bus" song, and endured just about every dress up scenario imaginable. And read countless bedtime stories.

My brother is 20 now, so it's hard to remember his favorite story, but I'm sure it was something I grew to hate via repetition. But, author Adam Mansbach has come up with the most honest bedtime story a parent can ever possibly tell their child. Whimsical and truthful, this tale can only be told by Samuel L. Jackson. From "Snakes on a Plane," to narrating kiddie books. Is there anything this guy can't do?

Lady killer. Er, killer lady?

Jewelry designer, Ted Noten, is "out there" to say the least. He seems to have some kind of obsession with both women and weapons. While women are nice, and guns are great, Ted's meld of the two has produced some odd results.

His latest gun/girl combo is pretty overwhelming, in the worst ways. Available in black (the "Chanel" model), and white (the "Dior" model), these "guns" are nightlife accessories that pack a punch. While they don't actually shoot bullets (boo!), they do contain 7 essential accessories for the gun savvy gold-digger: lip gloss, an antique hairpin, a gold toothpick, perfume, a gold bar, a USB drive, and a Viagra pill. (You heard me...)

Do I need a carry permit for this monstrous violation on gun lovers?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

If you don't know, then now you know.

A rising YouTube star (yes, I know how ridiculous that is) is Cyriak. Oddly, I'm assuming it's a "he"...hmm.

His animations are stunning, and his music taste is unrivaled. While this ain't Pixar or Billboard, it's something really amazing.

So, enjoy some ear-love from Cyriak.

Back to the gym.

It's summer, especially here in Memphis. It's been over 90 degrees for a month, and pools have been open for two. And it's going to get worse. Last year we were over 100 degrees for more than a month. Plus "heat index." Ugh.

So what does one wear in excessive heat? Hats with little fans? Misting, spritzer doo-hickies? Nothing at all? (None of these options are socially acceptable, by the way.) Personally, I wear full length pants and a suit jacket due to the ol' corporate 9-to-5. Needless to say, summer is *extra* miserable for me.

If I were in better shape, I would wear this. In a heartbeat. Not only is it stylish, but useful! No need to hop off your chaise lounge for a beer opener. Just reach for your cleavage. Sometimes the answers are so very close. Might be a great excuse for some quality time with the treadmill.

The best reason to go to the mall, EVER!

I'm a shoe junkie. (We've established this multiple times.) From sneakers to stilettos, I love them all.

Mama wants...

Monday, June 13, 2011

Bike naked!

There are lots of bicycle communities around the world: Critical Mass, Rat Patrol, etc. But none are so outspoken and easy to find as the World Naked Bike Ride!

A few years ago, I got caught in traffic driving behind a group of hundreds of naked people on bicycles. And that was, hands down, the best traffic I've ever been stuck in. Not because of the scenery (really not at all, eew), but because of the principle. Exposing drivers to the pollution and congestion they create by exposing their bodies. Some are totally naked, others are clad in underwear, but the message is there.

2004 saw the formation of this event, embracing good self-images, environmental conciousness, and bicycle culture. It's now all over the world. Hoardes of naked folks on two wheels, making their message clear.

I think Memphis needs one of these. Badly. I would totally ride naked.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Fathers of the world REJOICE!

Finally, there is an acceptable gift. No more ties, no more nose-hair trimmers, no more tools you have no idea what to do with. Father's Day is coming up next Sunday, give Dad a really good gift.

You can't do wrong by Dad if you give him this. Who doesn't love bacon? (Well, aside from the Jews.)

Amazing life advice

While the video is titled "How to Stay Creative," I think it's really more of list of things that make your life better in general.

Life is a series of learning experiences, some good, some bad, but all valid. Life is like (a box of chocolates?) a series of coincidences that shape your world view. Nothing is unimportant, strange people impact your life, and you can't ignore the little things.

Why? from Oliver Latta on Vimeo.

Alcohol. It's a helluva drug.

I'll admit, I like to have a beer or 12 here and there. Drunk is a neat place to be: no inhibitions, no filter, no sense. Total lack of control. Why be sober when you can be canned?

But this guy takes it to a whole new level. I like to think that I'm pretty composed while innebriated (I'm sure others will disagree, but whatevs), but this cat falls down a lot. A LOT. And thanks to Britain's big brother camera system, we get to see it on the Internet.

Click the link for the full video.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Don't be a drag, just be a queen!

June is national gay pride month! While TN residents have to mumble over the word "gay" due to some really stupid legislation, everyone else can be here and queer as loud as they like!

Start your day off right with the gayest coffee mug you can find. I suggest this one. And Irish it up a bit in celebration.

Cheers! To every gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, twink, queen, queer, butch, fairy, bear, bull, lisptick lez, and nancy boy. This Str8 is against H8. 100%!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Breakin' up is hard to do

I've had some crappy break-ups over the years: via email, via phone, via ignoring. There was a man I dated for a little over a year, and I was weeks away from asking him to move in. Shortly after our one year anniversary, he told me he was looking for the woman he was going to marry, and he was sure it wasn't me. Wow, that burned. Bad. Frankly, I'm still a little upset about it, despite the fact that he was right. We were just not compatible.

But this kid was pretty straight forward about it. He didn't apologize for being a jackass, but appealed to logic. Birthday sex is the best anyway. Well played, but badly spelled. Ah, playground love.

Not too stealthy there, buddy.

Let's get one thing straight: ninjas are awesome. Just ask cowboys and zombies. Ninjas totally rule.

But this ninja got it totally wrong. Crashing into an Apple store at some ungodly hour of the morning is really not the most clandestine action. Especially if you're not even gonna swipe a few iPads to cover your bail.


Use your house as a time capsule

I grew up in a very old home. It was a "unique fixer-upper opportunity" per my parents real estate agent. It was really 17 years of breathing asbestos, years not being able to use a whole floor, and ultimately, a really interesting experience. Clearly, this childhood shaped my opinion of houses, because I bought an old house, and proceeded to start home improvements.

While my house wasn't the train wreck my parents bough years and years ago, it's still been an interesting ride. My single family home may have been a duplex. I took out a solid wall that had a door under all the plaster. There are window sills that don't sit straight. Sadly, that is the neatest thing I've found so far.

But the house I grew up in was a treasure trove of history! We found hand-blown glass bottles from a brewery that had closed in the 20s, an essay from a student in the 50s, a few squirrel skulls (eew!), and the prize: a 2 carat sapphire ring embedded in the plaster behind a medicine cabinet. Which was really interesting, because at the time the house was built, women would not have been doing construction.

So why not leave a little piece of your history for your next homeowner? All the little bits we found in my old house were accidental, but you can leave a piece of yourself on purpose. I'm not talking about burying a capsule in the yard (because no one wants to dig up their yard just to learn about your boring ass), but leave a little snippet of your life somewhere it will be a surprise: in the light switches!

One of the first things I hated and wanted to replace in my house were the switch plates. Bury your deepest, darkest secrets behind something absurdly personal to a homeowner.

They're reading your thoughts

And probably transmitting them to the Japanese government.

I'm not a super emotional woman, so I'm pretty sure these little suckers would just lay flat most of the time on my head. But they're supposedly reading your brainwaves, and reacting accordingly. Ears up for concentration, ears down for calm, twitching ears for interest.

Not sure about you, but if I saw someone wandering down the street in moving cat ears, I'd cross to the other side of the street. Cue "sad cat face"!